Under the Pines

My day didn't go as planned, which I could've expected, considering I was trying to get Jon to do some school work. I worked with him until he absolutely understood, and he was doing so well! I gradually backed off and let him work on his own... with me a foot away... it was just too much for him. Thus began the push and pull, the blurring of boundaries of what each of us would do for the other, the subtle power struggle and questioning of motives...

I'd much rather have packed the bookcase and cleared out the living room which is begging for new wallpaper (and carpet, but it's not time yet, says India) and window trim. But I stubbornly insist that Jon's education include math. Unfortunately, once upon a time, he caught wind of the fact that he was particularly good with numbers... which is why it's all I can do to get him to count, or to acknowledge that numbers represent objects. Now he just as stubbornly insists that he's "not that good at math."

Today, I guess that battle was just screaming to be fought. So the bookcase full of history still sits in the corner, all dusty and chronological. I resent the dust, which waits to inhabit my lungs, and I envy the order of chronology. My living room has slipped to a level of disarray such that I can hardly stand to look. And it will get worse before it gets better -- a light saber, two books, a crayon, and half a banana meant to be eaten in the truck as Daddy drives them away, just... AWAY.

After a sigh, a prayer, and a tightened ponytail I'll dive in and begin clearing the chaos... both in my home and in my heart. I won't accomplish all that I had planned, but will make a week's worth of progress in a few short hours. I will be relieved, refreshed, and grateful for my husband who really does understand that I need these times alone to work, even more than a bubblebath or foot rub. It was hard for Loren to imagine until he acquiesced and saw the result -- a cleaner home and a more relaxed wife. Now he's thrilled to help out by spending time making memories with the kids while I catch up on both the urgent and the important. He also helps me keep my priorities in perspective and reminds me that there are some things we just can't do like a normal family. Of course I know that, but I do tend to expect "normal" results for my efforts sometimes! LOL

SO... I must get some sleep! I have a quiet and busy morning ahead of me!