June is here!

Which means my birthday is coming very soon. How come this doesn't excite me as much as it used to? No idea. But, here is my humble list of stuff I would enjoy for my birthday. Please, don't feel obligated to buy me anything.

• Something to Say by Matthew West
• #11 longspring (if you aren't sure what this is then do yourself a favor and don't buy one)
• A gift certificate to Minnesota Trapline Products
• Chest waders

So I got a newsletter from the MTA the other day. There was some neat stuff in there, and info about the rendezvous this summer. There is going to be a trapper race with challenges like:

• Pulling a canoe that leaks
• Running in chest waders through waist deep water
• Carrying huge amounts of weight
• Setting traps on a predestined route

I am excited. Should I try it? I don't know if I will, but I'm exercising more now anyway.

Looks like this week is the week for fishing. I hope I will go fishing soon, because I heard that there is great bass fishing at a certain lake not far from here. (I would say which lake so you could catch fish there too, but the name of the lake is not very pleasant and would not be appropriate for me to put on the www.) Problem is, the lake is full of weeds. I went swimming there last year, and I swam all the way to the middle of the lake where it was too deep for me to feel the weeds, but before that is really weedy, and if you get tired of swimming, you can literally lie down on the weeds to take a break, but it feels gross and just thinking about it makes me want to vomit.

Before we go boating we're gonna have to register our boat. We're going to have to do that in Sandstone. Have I told you about Sandstone? It ought to be famous. See, in Sandstone there is a grocery store called Chris' Food Center. I did not make the typo, the sign actually says that. Anyway, Chris' Food Center is home of America's best bagger almost every year since 1991... or at least that's what I remember it saying. Well, I am not really picky about the way they bag my groceries, as long as they do it in a common sense way.

Reading what Mom said about mosquitoes, I am reminded of a trip I took to Banning State Park, right by the river. We were eating lunch, which required us to remain stagnant because of all the food we had bought. This made us an easy target for mosquitoes, even though we were covered in DEET. I have come up with 2 brilliant ideas for protection against this terrible foe.

1. BAM. Yes, this stands for Bomb Against Mosquitoes, and it is so powerful and expensive that only the government can use it, mostly for big cities but also state parks. See, this is an atomic bomb that has been significantly weakened; it kills everything but the people and the cockroaches.
2. HAM. This is more affordable and is legal for civilian use. It stands for Halo Against Mosquitoes, and here's how it works: the halo attaches to your body and uses the electromagnetic energy in your body plus the power of 2 AA batteries to create an invisible fence around you of electric power. It zaps any mosquitoes that come near you, and it also sends a small shock to anyone who tries to kidnap you.

So now you ask, "How much d'you want for it?" Actually, I have to send you the same question because I simply have no time for such trivial issues, I have a life to live. YOU make them and sell me some.